It feels surreal to say that I have officially finished my first semester of college. At the time, I felt like I was swimming through molasses, now I see how quickly it really went. My first semester was a blink, but not a smooth one. It was one of those itchy and scratchy blinks you get when you have a eyelash in your eye or pink eye. It was not comfortable, it was not smooth, it was not easy.
Dear HS Seniors, college kind of sucks.
Not gonna lie.
My entire senior year, I was waiting to graduate and move on. All I heard over and over again was how amazing college would be, and that I would have the time of my life. No one ever said how hard it would be.
College is like nothing I have ever experienced. There is an exciting new found freedom. I remember being so happy to watch TV until 2 am my first week and buy pop tarts without my parents saying I should buy the organic ones instead. It was kind of awesome.
Freedom got old fast however, and was replaced by loneliness and a desperation for familiarity. All I wanted was to see my parents and my friends. I wanted somewhere I could be alone, and my dog to sleep with me in my bed again. Unlike at home, I didn’t have phone full of contacts for people I’d known for years. I was left to find friends by myself. And damn was it difficult. To put myself out there and not get dragged into the idea of home.
I had never felt as alone as I did my first couple of months at college. Sure, I had friends and great roommates (love you guys for realz), but that didn’t change anything. I was lost without the people who knew me to my core. The ones who knew if I was actually okay, and that I needed a hug and someone to pat my head.
Looking back, I could have easily asked for help from one of my new friends, any of them would have listened, but I couldn’t get myself to. I didn’t feel like there was a certain level of security with anyone here that I would let me feel comfortable opening up. I wish I had opened up sooner, because I soon realized that everyone was in the same head space as I was. Everyone was going a little crazy. I finally opened up to my roommates, and it made everything easier.
To sum up my first point: college kind of sucks at first. You will be lonely, sad, and depressed. You will have to make new friends (unless you went to OSU), and you will have to find new safe places. It is hard, crazy hard, but you aren’t alone in it. All of us new college kids are still figuring it all out, but I think we are, slowly.
Here is my second point: It’s already getting better.
We are finally starting to find out niche’s, friends, and activities. We are making a life at college, which is what we should be doing. Every day I think it gets a little easier being out of your comfort zone; and your comfort zone is also expanding.
Going away to college is hard, and scary, but I’m so thankful I did. Being away has forced me to be more mature and responsible. It’s also made me thankful for where I come from, and all I have there.
I’m so thankful to be home for the next month and a half, but to be honest, I’m going to miss Chapman, my friends here, my tiny dorm, and the apparent neurovirus (we made the news guys!!!). It feels good to know that when spring semester starts, I will be ready to come back.